i would have fallen from the sky 'till you

parachutes have opened now

I'm feeling cynical this week. No explanation for it; just seems to be the way it is. Even as I write this (I'm killing time while I clean my coffee maker because the clean light won't go off and it bugs me.... Much like this run-on sentence.) I'm thinking how self-centered it is to write something that is just venting about my wee little life and publish it somewhere on the Internet where everyone can read it. In actuality, I realize hardly anyone reads this. It goes largely unnoticed... virtual litter on the information super highway.

But my desire to write will win out and I'll throw this out there like anything else. Some part of my brain will rationalize it as a good thing, just like I reason that animals will enjoy my apple cores I throw out every morning while driving to work.

School is back in full swing. I seem to be insanely busy. I think it's mostly because there's more work, but the nagging hard-on-myself side of my mind taunts me that I'm losing my edge that has previously made me so good at my job. I told you that cynic was here this week.

The stupid clean light is still blinking, too.

I'm torn between whether to write about my summer, recap it and close that chapter, or just continue to turn this into a gripe session... I'll try to keep the griping to a minimum.

May went well. I cannot remember anything especially noteworthy that happened in my life. Lots of cool things happened for friends, but those are their stories to tell, not mine. I did preach at a church, but I'm not so convinced I did it much justice. The congregation was small, and they were obligatorily nice and complementary (or is it the i compliment?)Yeah.. complimentary. (of course I looked it up.) but afterward, when thanking them for the opportunity, I never heard a thing. So, naturally, I assume no news is terrible news. At the time, I didn't feel I did a bad job, but still... Nerves were the predominant feeling right up to the point of no return. I'm sure that's normal, but something being normal has never before made me feel better.

I think deciding to clean the coffee pot this late was a mistake.

June was full of camps and General Assembly (church things). I enjoyed the junior camp, the one with the little kids. I preached at that one, and overall, I felt good about it. Plus, most everyone i worked with was great. (I don't know why this iPad isn't always auto correcting my i pronouns).

General Assembly was in Dickson. I met new people, which was fun. Some were really cool. (unsaid here, some struck me as a bit odd...oops, I said it now). I stayed in a cabin that was in a very remote place, lots if trees. Super quaint. Almost Like where one would find a hobbit house. (I'm thinking good things about hobbits here... not gross things like hairy feet). It was Peggy's dads. I watched her boys one night while she had class and I did not. The only other thing I care to reflect on from that week.... 1986. We found an old magazine, and I think it's safe to say, I'm glad the '80's are over.

Senior high camp was okay. The YMPC did a super swell job of handling things and being amazing. We made dresses for Africans. I taught a class on relationships... Yeah, I thought that was ironic too, since I'm historically so poopy at them, but it went well. I think I made enemies, but I'm not too sure. It's been a while since people flat out disliked me, and I'm not sure I handled it all as gracefully as I could have. Mostly, I felt perplexed, since for once, I didn't invite the animosity. It's past now though, and if nothing else, I realize my efforts need to be in other places besides fretting over things i cannot change.

My friend Jennifer came and visited over the Fourth of July holiday. I was thrilled to see her again. Her son is hilarious. He almost makes me want to have more. Of course, there's that whole issue of not being able to stay home with a child... but, wow... Where'd THAT come from? She stayed for a few days. She's very representative of the only part of old Jamie that I still like. The only part that was even a tiny bit good, I think. It was nice, and I hope we can coordinate more visits.

Junior high camp also went well. I made more enemies though i didn't realize it at the time. I told a child on Facebook that I was disappointed in him. His mom wanted to prosecute me for being a cyber bully. Oh,yeah... I'm serious. I was super pissed about the whole ordeal. I don't think I handle criticism very well, and I really didn't like the mean and nasty uncharitable feelings the whole thing brought out in me. I got no fewer than six lengthy letters from this insane woman (see...there I go, uncharitable) and I was struggling to maintain some semblance of decorum. Inside i wanted to go white trash nuts on her. I didn't enjoy this at all. She was annoying, but the way i was reacting inside was ugly and I did NOT like it.

PYT was fun. I made more friends. Enjoyed the company of old friends that i seldom get to see. I enjoyed the worship services, but was glad to get back home to something small scale again. I taught a small group, and I absolutely LOVED it. I had missed teaching, and I brought my A+ game. (i brought my hole punch, too.) the kids and other adults that were in my group were great. That would have ended my summer on a great high had it not been for the psycho subject of the last paragraph ruining it for me (or me ruining it for me, if I'm honest here...)

My coffee maker is on the last rinse of the cleaning cycle and the light's been off for 15 minutes... The rambling is about to come to an end.

August saw me back to school... I missed my drives and my work routines, and I'm very glad to have those back. I want to buy a new car. I have one I have my eye on. I'm feeling cheap lately though, and don't necessarily want a car payment. It seems to be a busy month. I'm preaching a women's retreat and a Sunday morning coming up. I have more friends with more big amazing things happening in their lives that makes my heart happy.

And my coffee maker is ready to set for my morning coffee.